


Blood on My Name

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: Rare Ships Creation Challenge [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dreams of Hell/Hellhounds, M/M, Sam Has Low Self-Esteem, Sam Needs Hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a nightmare, Cas tries to comfort Sam.  It doesn't work very well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood on My Name

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Rare Ships Creation Challenge.  
> Prompt: Sastiel, "Blood on My Name" by the Brothers Bright

When Sam opened his eyes, he wasn’t too sure where he was. A motel room, not one he recognized, just a room somewhere. Peeking through the curtains wasn’t helpful. Outside was a dark street. He could hear howling, though. The howls chilled his blood, terrifying him in a way that howls didn’t usually. From either end of the street, Sam saw two black dogs advancing. Black dogs with glowing red eyes. Behind them, the street burst into flames.

Sam locked the door, barricading it with whatever he could shove over. He couldn’t stop hellhounds, but he wasn’t going down without a fight.

The door held, but Sam hadn’t been able to block the window before the hellhounds got to him. They didn’t attack. They paced the room, howling and growling and keeping Sam from going anywhere. He didn’t have a weapon, not that most of their weapons would do anything to hellhounds.

One hound, the largest, advanced on Sam. She growled, and Sam doubled over. It felt like he was catching fire from the inside. He could feel the blaze in his veins, crackling under his skin. It was impossible, but he could swear his bones were burning to ash from the fire that still hadn’t escaped his body.

The room filled with white light and Sam lost consciousness.

 

When Sam opened his eyes, he was in the Bunker. Castiel was sitting on the bed beside him, as usual, but NetFlix was off. “Sam. Are you all right?”

“I’m fi…” Sam stopped. He wasn’t fine. He tried to hide the shivers from Cas, but admitted, “I’m freezing. Like when…” He stopped again. He didn’t need to worry Cas, and the last time he could remember being this cold was when he had Lucifer in his brain. “Like this time we were in Minnesota in January and I had to walk home from school because Dad had called Dean for a bailout. It was days before I was properly warm again.”

“That’s odd.” Castiel reached out and placed a hand against his forehead. “Just a minute ago, you were radiating so much heat I could feel it from over here.”

“Huh.”

Castiel slid his arm underneath Sam, pulling him up against his body. Although he couldn’t see it, Sam could feel the weight of Castiel’s wing as it wrapped around him. His immediate reaction was to flinch, but he immediately reached out to stroke the wing. It wasn’t Castiel’s wing he was scared of.

“I see.” Castiel brought a hand up to run through Sam’s hair. “Lucifer or Gadreel?”

“Lucifer. Gadreel doesn’t… I was dreaming of being dragged to Hell, which has nothing to do with Gadreel, and the cold is a Lucifer thing too.”

“You know you’re never going back there, right?”

Sam laughed weakly and pressed in tighter against Castiel. “Let’s see. You’d never let me, Billie’s said she’s sticking my soul out in the great empty somewhere so no one can find it to bring it back, Crowley doesn’t want me down there because I keep making a mess of things… yeah, I know.”

“Even if none of that were true, your soul doesn’t belong there.”

“My boyfriend and brother keep telling me that, but I don’t know. Honestly, Billie’s idea sounds like the way to go. Aside from you, Heaven doesn’t like me much either, and I have a tendency to screw it up…”

“Not nearly as much as I have. You’ve got a much better shot at returning to Heaven than I do.”

“And there’s that. Heaven’s not Heaven if you and Dean aren’t there with me.”

“You’d never know you didn’t really have me. Dean, yes, but you’d be content with memories and projections of me.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Sam reached out and ran his fingers over Castiel’s wing, causing the angel to shiver a little. “But honestly, I think Billie would be perfectly happy to find me and Dean a little corner of nowhere to hang out together, and you could come with us, and we’d all be at rest.”

“God and Amara would probably overrule Billie and find you a place in Heaven. They like you.”

“They like Dean.”

“And you.”

“Not me. Too much blood on my name, thanks to Lucifer.”

“No, Sam. The blood Lucifer spilled is on his own name. Same with Azazel, and Amara. God trusted you with the Mark of Cain even after seeing what it did to Lucifer. To Dean. What better endorsement could there be?”

“Someone had to take the mark if we were going to seal Amara away. No big loss if the ab…” Sam felt Cas’s hand go still and decided to rephrase. “If I go bad, because I’m already halfway there?”

Cas slapped a hand into Sam’s forehead, flooding him with warmth. He pulled away, storming out of the room. The expected door slam never came, though, as Cas took the time to make sure it closed quietly. Somehow, that was even worse.

Sam got to his feet. He was still cold, but now, there was something way more important to focus on. He found Castiel in the library, reading… “Is that the Bible? I thought you had that thing hardcoded into your brain.”

Castiel looked up briefly before returning his attention to what he was reading. “Go back to bed, Sam. You need sleep.”

“I will, I promise. But you’re pissed at me, and I’d like to know why.”

“I love you, Sam. I do. And I’m coming back to bed too, once I’ve calmed down. It’s just very frustrating to see you do this to yourself, knowing I can’t stop you. Knowing that it’s so much a part of you that if you did change it, somehow, you wouldn’t be the man I love.”

“What is it?”

“I was watching something this morning about a criminal who had paid his debt to society and yet was still struggling to be treated like a human being. When will your debt to society be paid, Sam? You’ve done bad things. I won’t deny that. But I would think anyone would say that the things you’ve been through are enough. You’ve suffered for the things you’ve done. You’ve suffered for things you didn’t do, but accepted the suffering because someone had to. And you’ve done it without complaint. When is it enough? When do you get to say that you are a good person who doesn’t deserve to be treated like crap?”

“I don’t. Not after…”

“Not after two centuries of Hell, not after nearly dying when those memories threatened to destroy you, everything else you’ve been through? Not after not just agreeing to take the Mark of Cain because it was necessary and Dean and Lucifer couldn’t do it meaning it had to be you, despite seeing what it did to Dean, but actually volunteering to do it? Sam, you are…” Castiel shook his head. “I know I’m never going to convince you of this, but of all people, you do not deserve to suffer more. You deserve to be at peace. You’ve saved the world at least as often as you’ve put it in danger.”

“Cas…”

Cas closed his Bible and got to his feet. “You asked. And now, you promised to go back to bed and get some sleep. Come on.” He took Sam’s hand and led him back to the bedroom. Sam started to settle in like normal, sleeping on his side of the bed while Cas sat on the other side watching NetFlix, but Castiel pulled him over to cuddle. Once again, Cas's wing came out around Sam. "No more nightmares, love. Not tonight. Tonight, I get my way and you get to be at peace."

Sam smiled into Cas's chest. "I'm okay with that. You coming in?"

"If you'd like. I can't hold you out here and be in your dreams, though."

"No, but either works for keeping the nightmares out, right? So come on in."

"As you wish." Cas kissed the top of Sam's head. "Go to sleep."

**Author's Note:**

> Oof. I started and stopped and restarted this one a million times. Think I'm finally happy with it.
> 
> Comments feed writer's souls!


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